Whats on my mind

My mind is a whirl last few days. Tired eyes dry from tears
Where did the time go  ...
My grandma Ruth is gone now but I still feel she's here , in my minds eye I see her in her tiny kitchen making up monday dinner. Usually chicken or beef, mashed potatoes I couldn't get enough of , corn, biscuits we all loved too. We would pull out table and scoot in by back wall, someone on a stool bench by window or spread out in living room wherever could fit , the floor or kids table set up ... There was always plenty no matter who showed up, cause there was no set #  all depended n schedule. When was nice we'd go outside to a zip tent  ..the house was very small but a lot of family and love inside. When we were younger and the farm was still going there were geese, pigs, dogs, chickens, and sheep  , baby chicks inside under a lamp and 1 special sheep my cousin said she tryd to take to sleep with her , grma gave her a good talking to, "get that sheep back outside " .. The geese would chase us grandpa would run the rogue ones off. We make time for cookies at Christmas, we would walk in the door, grandma we're here. Table covered with pans of dough for cookies , and my favorite balish .. We would have bowls of frosting, sprinkles to decorate with. Then boxes, tins to put them in  I remember pink, blue, yellow, green frosting and red cinnamons to put on them .. The balish apricots I loved..   For easter we would decorate eggs and pose for pictures holding our favorite .. Egg hunts together and of course the prayer from David. As far back as I remember , he's spoken at all our weddings, grandma read from the bible .. There is different opinions on favorite colors, I think either red, blue as I remember 2 tops she wore a lot ... For Christmas was gather at cliffs who knew who'd be there, thru boyfriend, girlfriend, friends itself then later wives, husbands, followed by the next generation kids  we would pick our "jobs" some did clean up, some did dishes, some got wrapping paper gathered or younger got grma, grandpa coffee or kept plate full , handed out gifts also. Soon people just did it as they had favorites. One special one was the verses from bible of that Christmas day long ago revered on ..
Then it was byes, lot of hugs and cars would pull out onto other plans ...she was the BEST example of a proper Christian farmer wife, mother, grandma and full of love, dedication, focus, time for everyone and a safe haven to "stop'" by for a visit. I'm sure she knew a lot secrets, pain felt for those problems we told her or the changes around as time rushed by so quick
My biggest regrets I have is I wish I had captured that last moment of sparkle in her eyes ....before it dulled and her memories faded by Alzheimer's took over .. My grandma was still there but also was not there. She got quieter, slowed, down & watched the world & us from a chair she was never sitting in long. Unless was just visiting .. I got scared and avoided prolonged time with her as I didn't know what to say or how to say it or the fact that she didn't know ME anymore ....I know everyone loved that rocker by the fireplace but I really don't remember her sitting in it. As time went by we all had our usual spots we sat in or stood against ..I guess I will end this with Grandma I love you always and will miss you forever. Say hi to both my grandpa's & of course my other Nana(I'll write abt soon too), I think Robert (T) would greet her at the gate and said come on, join us ... Smiled and on they all went together. Bye , take care, watch over me  love me always
ME (granddaughter, ANN)